‘Love doesn’t need to hurt’ Published Sept. 28, 2011 By Chris McCann JBER Public Affairs JOINT BASE ELMENDORF-RICHARDSON, Alaska -- We would like to think that the military community is immune to domestic violence and family abuse. Sadly, though, that's not the case, said Natasha Goff, victim advocate on Joint Base Elmendorf-Richardson. "Is there domestic violence? Yes," she said. "And it doesn't have to be violence. There are many types of abuse, including phsyical abuse, emotional abuse, economic and sexual abuse." Economic abuse might be refusing to let a spouse access money or bank accounts. "Do you get $20 a week and that's it? Do you have to go to the grocery store with your husband so he's with you and he can see what you buy and who you talk to? That can be an issue." Goff said she has seen cases of military members confiscating their spouse's ID card - ensuring they can't leave the installation because they won't be able to return, or that they can't get onto JBER to seek help. "Abuse is clever," she said. "It can be very clever, and very ugly." According to the Uniform Code of Military Justice, domestic violence refers to people who are married, have shared a domicile for more than 30 days or share a child whether they live together or not. The Uniform Code of Military Justice does not take domestic violence lightly, Goff said. "It's important that everyone is safe," she said. "It's also a morale issue. There are deployments going on, and a lot of stress, and all the relationship issues that go along with it. There are lots of resources available." The chain of command on JBER can help families who are experiencing abuse, said Goff. "They ensure everyone's needs are met. For example, people cannot be evicted due to a domestic violence situaton," Goff said. "Commanders can issue military protective orders - you can't go get a restraining order at the courthouse at 3 a.m., but commanders have the authority to secure immediate safety. The military in some ways offers more resources to victims than the civilian world. "A lot of people have no idea what their military rights are," Goff said. "I am on call 24/7; when Security Forces personnel call me, I make contact with the victim within 20 minutes. I can meet up with them, accompany them to law enforcement interviews, go to court, and refer them to outside services. Services are voluntary." The community is full of resources - from police to legal assistance services. "The majority of people (on JBER) aren't from (Alaska), so they don't know what's available," said Goff. She said the average victim of abuse leaves the violent relationship eight times before making a full break. This may seem unbelievable but, she said, given the cycle of honeymoon period, building tension, and an explosion of violence, it's logical. "Imagine you moved here, away from your friends and family," she said. "You got married young, you have children. You know no one here except your husband. "You've never had a job...so if you decide to leave - where do you go?" Goff said. "How will you feed your children? How will you pay rent? And did anyone tell you about your rights as a military wife? When he promises not to abuse you again, he makes it sound pretty good - so you go back." Of course, not all domestic violence and abuse - even on JBER - is male against female. It goes both ways, Goff said. Some men can be ashamed to admit that their wife is abusive. "Everything is possible and can happen," Goff said. "Nothing shocks me at this point." Often, military life means close-quarters living, and neighbors can help, Goff said. "If you're living next door, you may hear things. You can always anonymously call law enforcement," she said. Victims may also be afraid of ruining their spouse's military career, and rationalize that it's better to stay silent about the treatment. But the Family Advocacy Program on JBER offers classes and therapy for people struggling with anger, depression and other things; there is help available. People who really want to change and correct their behavior can have plenty of opportunities to do so. But if they don't seek treatment, careers can certainly be ruined - and it's not the victim's fault. "Violence isn't tolerated," Goff said. "There are consequences. For resilience, we have to end domestic violence; it takes down morale, it takes down unity." Much like in a sexual harassment case, victims can choose restricted reporting - confidential help without triggering an investigaton - or an unrestricted report. A restricted report can be reported to a victim advocate, chaplain, or health care provider. A report to law enforcement or a commander or anyone but the above is unrestricted, although unrestricted reports can also be reported to victim advocates and health care providers. A restricted report is almost always confidential - unless there is a serious safety issue, said Goff. "It comes down to spouse and child safety," she said. "It's a child protective issue. ...if there's a big chance of lethality, it's not confidential." Physical abuse can be easy to identify, she said. More subtle things are harder to see. "Do you have access to your and your children's birth certificates and passports? Your credit cards? All the documents that allow you access to freedom?" Other signs may include fear of your partner's temper, being threatened or put down, making decisions about activities and choice of friends according to how your partner will react. Abuse of pets can be a precursor to domestic violence, too. If someone is abusing your pet, that's an issue, she said. Even though the violence isn't directed at you, it's designed to make you afraid. There are many ways abusers can use to keep control, Goff said. Threatening to take away children is a common one; brandishing weapons, destroying property, playing mind games or making someone feel guilty or crazy, or threatening to leave, commit suicide or report the partner to command as the abuser are some others. Since domestic abuse and violence almost always follows the cycle of honeymoon, tension, explosion, there are ways to break that cycle, Goff said. Before there is violence, have a safety plan. Contact the victim advocate's office at 384-1600 for help with this. Have an emergency kit with money, medical cards, car keys, ID, medicine and other documents. Arrange a help signal with a neighbor so they know when you need help, and can call police. If you're in a violent situation, call the police or get someone else to call. Grab your emergency kit if possible, and get out - take your children with you. After a violent episode has occurred, get medical attention, have the provider or a friend take photos of your injuries to document them. Call for help. The JBER victim advocates are always available to help - no matter what time of day. Some resources on JBER include: Military Police/Security Forces: 911 or 552-3421 Victim Advocate: 384-1600 Mental Health Service: 580-2181 Family Advocacy: 580-5858 Chaplain: 384-5433 Hospital ER: 580-5555 In Anchorage, call 911 for the police. Other area organizations include Abused Women's Aid in Crisis: 272-0100 and Standing Together Against Rape at 276-7273. There are also national resources like Military OneSource at (800) 464-8107 and the Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799 7233. Victims can also call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at (800) 656-4673.