Survivor parachutes with Golden Knights – and learns

  • Published
  • By Rachael Hill
  • Surviving spouse of Air Force Capt. Jeff Hill
JOINT BASE ELMENDORF-RICHARDSON, Alaska --  On Feb. 22 I had the opportunity of a lifetime and it was a day I will never forget.
I went skydiving for the very first time with the Army's Golden Knights Parachute Team and it was an incredible experience.

Not only that, but I was with the most amazing and inspiring group of women you could possibly imagine - a group of fellow military widows.

My journey as a military widow began on July 28, 2010 when my husband's C-17 Globemaster III crashed while practicing for the Arctic Thunder Air Show.

That moment forever changed my life and I was welcomed into a club I never wanted to be a part of. It has been a journey of ups and downs, with many bumps along the way.
However, it has also given me some opportunities I never thought possible and has put me in contact with some of the most amazing people I have ever met.

After my husband's death I became involved with the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors, an incredible organization that supports survivors of military deaths - all survivors.

Through TAPS, I recently had the opportunity to go to a "Widow's Retreat" in Key Largo, Fla. There were 43 military widows at the retreat with 43 different stories and 43 different situations, but that didn't matter.

In our eyes we were all the same and came together through this common bond.
While at the retreat we relaxed on the beach, enjoyed casual and deep conversations, enjoyed various water sports, and then drove to Homestead Air Reserve Base for a day of adventure with the Golden Knights.

Words can't even describe the rush of skydiving itself but for me the entire experience was so much more than simply jumping out of an airplane, free falling through the air, and then safely returning to earth.

There was a much bigger representation with extremely significant feelings associated with it.

Jumping out of an airplane could easily be compared to becoming a widow. It is scary.
There is a nervousness and apprehension that you can't quite explain to anyone else, and of course there is always that uncertainty of what is going to happen and how you are going to come out of it in the end.

However, despite all of those fears and apprehensions, you just have to jump in feet first...all or nothing.

Although you may have times of fear and queasiness during your journey, you will eventually put both feet out and land safely on the ground.

The whole process seemed easier for some than for others but those were truly just the outward appearances.

Underneath all of the shells, we all had our uncertainties about what we were doing, how we were feeling, and how it was going to go.

Being a widow is really no different. It is definitely scary. There is always that nervousness and apprehension, a constant wondering if you're doing the right thing and making the right decisions, but ultimately you don't have a choice.

You have to just jump in feet first...all or nothing. We all handle our grief and personal experiences in different ways and show very different outward appearances, but the more you dig into it the more you find that there are very similar fears, wants, needs, and concerns in all of us. That bond is inevitable.

Over and over the instructor kept saying, "trust in us, trust in the equipment, relax and you'll have fun."

This phrase continues to roll through my mind and is such a metaphor for so many things in life. Especially life itself.

"Trust in us, trust in the equipment, relax and you'll have fun." I have decided that this is my new motto for my life.

I am going to trust in myself and the decisions I make, trust in the equipment God has given me in this crazy thing we call life, and I truly believe that if I do do these things and relax in the process that I will have fun.

That is how life should be. That is how my husband would want my life to be.
So thank you, Golden Knights, for not only the amazing skydiving experience you provided, but for also teaching me this incredible lesson in life.

Thank you TAPS for giving me the opportunity to be around other widows and for taking us on this new, exciting adventure.

And thank you to all of my new widow friends who have taught me that, although life may not be what any of us imagined, we are never alone in this journey and that there is still hope for a future that can always be just as bright, if not brighter, than what it was when our loved ones were here with us.

Editor's note: Air Force Capt. Jeff Hill was assigned to the 517th Airlift Squadron.